Dear Dr. Nostra
"Boss," I said, "It's hump day and that means it's Dear Abby day, it's cards and letters day, it's time for -- drum roll please -- Dear Dr. Nostra.
Dr. Michel de Nostradamus sighed. He had long resisted the direction his precious Nostradamus Speaks was turning, but the fact is his sleeper cell sleepers have real lives with real problems and want his advice. He is, after all, The Man.
We had met at Starbucks and The Man braced himself for this morning's mail bag with a Grande Latte Mocha, whipped cream and sprinkles, jacked with a triple shot of espresso.
"Make it so, Number One."
Alice from South Dakota writes:
Dear Dr. Nostra, Hank wants to come back. He says he loves me and is sorry. What should I do? Alice.
Dr. Nostra says:
Tweedle Dee and Tweedle Dum
Say your boyfriend Hank is a bum.
If you can't get that through your thick skull,
Get your sorry ass back to school.
"Next."
The Rev. William Roberts (Billy Bob) of Fredericksburg writes: Dear Dr. Nostra, I am worried about the future of my Evangelical Christian fellowship. Have we lost our way? The Rev.
Dr. Nostra says:
Drinking tequila that promised them power,
They ate the worm from the proud tower.
The bigger they are, the harder they fall,
The worm will turn and them all devour.
"Next."
"That's a pretty grim scenario, Sensei," I said. "Hump day is supposed to, you know, provide inspiration and guidance."
"I prognosticate, Dungbeetle," the Maestro said, "That's what I do.
"Next."
Grandpa from SoCal writes:
Dear Dr. Nostra, I like my life the way it is and I didn't ask to be in your sleeper cell and I don't want to get woke. What can I do not to get woke?
Dr. Nostra says:
Hold your head in your hands,
Your ears clamped close,
Your eyes tight shut,
And loudly shout, "Lalalalalalalalalala."
"Next."
Virginia from Virginia writes:
Dear Dr. Nostra, I would like to form a recipe exchange group within the Nostradamus Speaks sleeper community. Can you help?
Dr. Nostra says:
No.
No.
No.
No.
"Next."
"That's it for today, Doc. I think you can be proud that you are making a difference for those who measure out their lives in coffee spoons." I took a sip of the exquisite Starbucks espresso brew. "This is exceptional."
Dixi
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